Category Archives: Uncategorized

LADIES ROOM #YFILMS #ASSOCIATEPRODUCER #WEBSERIES

As the Head of Development of Y-Films, the youth wing of Yash Raj Films, my core job is developing films, web series and TVCs and then creative producing them and releasing them too. It’s an end-to-end job from idea to development to production to promotion and release.

I have creative produced four webseries for Y-Films so far: Man’s World, Bang Baaja Baaraat, Ladies Room and Sex Chat with Pappu and Papa. I’ve also creative produced the inception and music videos of India’s first transgender band, The 6-Pack Band. I am now writing the next Y-Films series, Darr 2.0, the official reboot of YRF’s iconic Shah Rukh Khan film, Darr.

SERIES: Ladies Room
Synopsis: Ladies Room is a story of two besties and the mental adventures they go through in six different loos over the six-episode series. It is a show about modern young ‘girl bros’ struggling to grow up even as they grow old. These girls are mad, bad and completely unapologetic about it!
Directed By: Ashima Chibber
Produced By: Ashish Patil
Written By: Neha Kaul Mehra & Ratnabali Bhattacharjee
Associate Producer: Nikhil Taneja
[Full Credit List on YouTube.com/YFilms]

OFFICIAL TRAILER:

FULL SERIES:


SELECTED PRAISE FOR LADIES ROOM:
Firstpost: Ladies Room is a refreshingly real show about women, starring women
LiveMint: Ladies Room ends up doing more for gender equality than most films
Film Companion: Ladies Room is the kind of quirky comedy you’ll find from Tina Fey
Hauterfly: Six Reasons why Ladies Room is our favourite new show!
Bollywood Life: Ladies Room is quirky and should not be missed!
Mashable: A New Wave of Indian Web Series is Narrating Women’s Stories with Refreshing Honesty
AVClub: Mashable looks at women-centric web series from India

NOTE: SUBSCRIBE to Y-Films on YouTube for more awesome series: www.youtube.com/yfilms.

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Liked/disliked the series? Leave your comments below!
Note: This series first appeared on the Y-Films YouTube channel on May 31, 2016.
Link Of Full Series: https://goo.gl/0WtZBw
Picture courtesy: Google. None of the pictures are owned by the author all rights belong to the original owner(s) and photographer(s).
© Copyright belongs to the author, Nikhil Taneja. The article may not be reproduced without permission. A link to the URL, instead, would be appreciated.

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MTV Inside Story: A Fan-tastic article #Humour

Today, I want to take a moment and be grateful towards the people who’ve made it all possible for us to be awesome at MTV. No, not my Mommy, Daddy, chaiwallah, etc; no, not the molested goat from MTV Bakra; no, not Raghu’s shining bald head and no, not even the bikini girls from Splitsvilla. Okay wait, maybe the bikini girls a little bit. But mostly, *drum rolls* it is YOU, oh ye awesome fans. *Breaks into Anu Malik’s classic, ‘Kaun main? Haan tum! Bas tum? Offo!*

Over my extremely entertaining and overly satisfying tenure at MTV, which is bound to result in me being paid more money than Anil Kapoor has chest hair, my interactions with MTV fans have resulted from having my photo clicked (because no ‘famous person’ was available.. .not even Siddharth) to getting friend requests on Facebook like “Hi frend, add me, m Haryanvi boi” (True story) to being told very seriously that my ‘sar’ and ‘g**nd’ are one and the same thing, because I work at MTV.

I have, in these obviously beautiful and heart-warming interactions, learnt about everything from the various kinds of English prevalent in India (the most popular one being the one in which you addzzzz ‘z’ tozzz everythingzzzzz… lolzzzz) to how apparently I need to “blast myself”. From all these lovely experiences though, I have successfully been able to identify the 5 different kinds of fans! Yes!! *self applause* *bows* Here they are:

  1. The Hardcore fan

My favourite kind of fan. They don’t make them anymore :’) <— khushi ke ansoo. The hardcore fan is the rare species that loves your brand so much that his sole purpose in life is to stalk the crap out of all your pages, the pages of VJs and even its employees. Yes, I said “HIS” sole purpose because girls, umm, have a life. And no, I haven’t offended this fan by dissing him because he’s THAT loyal. Anyone who can survive eight seasons of Roadies and even *volunteered* to write a Roadies blog, had his happiest day when Raghu acknowledged himby making eye contact, has quit jobs that paid him real money to join MTV, and can now be seen gloating about it all in Noise Factory… yup, nothing can possibly affect him now in life.

2. The Emo fan

This is the kind of fan who PMSes even if it’s male… especially when it’s male, actually. He’s the person you avoid in social events, in professional events, on the streets… you get the drift right? Because if and when he manages to catch you, what will inevitably follow is any one of these:

a)      I miss MTV of the good old days.  (Translation: I miss Shenaz Treasurywala)

b)      Are you guys still doing Roadies with that bald dude? (Translation: I HAVE APPLIED 30 TIMES! WHY DIDN’T YOU SELECT ME?)

c)       Why are there so many reality shows on MTV? (Translation: I miss Shenaz Treasurywala)

d)      Aren’t you supposed to be a ‘music’ channel? (Translation: Hip hop videos have nudity in them)

e)      WTF was MTV Grind? (Translation: I miss Shenaz Treasurywala)

3. The Greedy fan

The fan who wants gifts, merchandise, passes, tshirts, your brains, liver, and everything that comes with it. Will take part in every and any contest and spam you with answers until you make sure he gets to see anything from a MTV shoot to you digging your nose at the MTV office so he can update his Facebook status saying, “I SAW THAT HAPPEN LIVE! I AM SO COOL.” But of course, there’s a silver lining to having him – you get to take screen shots and show your boss, “See, I made that happen for him! I am so cool!”

4. The Pseudo fan

The pseudo fan is obviously the most annoying kind. They’ll pretend that they aren’t really fans of MTV India and are wayyyy too awesome to give any kind of crap about it, but will line up first on hearing any of these words: “Free”, “Giveaway”, “Grind”, or “Shenaz Treasurywala”. Most of the times, they are found working at MTV, so we shouldn’t say more bad things about them.

5. The fan who doesn’t know he’s a fan yet

If you like dissing MTV Roadies, Coke Studio @ MTV, MTV Grind, MTV Unplugged, MTV Splitsvilla, MTV Stuntmania or any other MTV show… you are still talking about “MTV”! By definition, you are a fan. Thank you very much!

 

Note: This column first appeared in MTV Noise Factory in November, 2011

Picture courtesy: Google. None of the pictures are owned by the author all rights belong to the original owner(s) and photographer(s).
© Copyright belongs to the author, Nikhil Taneja. The article may not be reproduced without permission. A link to the URL, instead, would be appreciated.

MTV Inside Story: Intern-al Affairs #Humour

There are a very few times in my life that I’ve hated movies, even though they are my first love. The first time was when I landed up in an engineering college and realised that colleges don’t look ANYTHING like the ones in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Main Hoon Na – the only hot chicks in our college were found in the tikka masala at the dhaba beyond our college walls (true story).

The second time I hated movies was when I broke up with my first girlfriend (it was mutual, I swear) and only later realised that unlike the movies, in real life if you try to get back your girlfriend, she calls it ‘stalking’. And informs her new boyfriend. Who looks like Godzilla in size, but is a shade uglier in appearance. And who tries to kill you and eat you up.

The third time I hated the movies was when I started working. You see, I was always under the illusion that there’s a bevy of young and hot chicks, traditionally called secretaries, who’d do anything to work under you (figuratively speaking) because you are young, successful and let’s face it, awesome (and by you, I mean me).

Since I haven’t invented Facebook, at my age the only secretary I meet is the pot-bellied, balding uncle who collects my building’s maintenance fees from me every month, against my liking, of course. And so, I didn’t mind settling for young and hot interns who’d someday be young and hot secretaries and the world would be a better place to work in.

But then, as is usually the case, life has happened. Over the course of 3 years, and roughly 30 interns, let me take you through the different types and kinds of blood-sucking, over-priced, hard(ly) working, annoying, egoistic, and usually very, very male interns I’ve had to deal with in life:

  1. The Important

This type of intern, usually found in the South region of Bombay, considers himself to be a gift to mankind. He was born not to be an intern but the king of all interns and their masters everywhere, and is merely doing you a favour by allowing you the opportunity to be his boss… until, of course, he decides to buy you and make you slave. He will come when he wants, do what he wants, since he’s just spending some time with the mortals to learn the ways of the cattle class. If you are lucky and have puppy eyes, he may even offer you a job at his father’s company. As an intern, of course.

2. The Sicko

This kind of intern is usually… umm… not found in office at all. Not because he doesn’t like to work or is shirking work or has another intern job to pay his bills and feed his widowed mother and blind sister, but because he’s ill. It’s apparently always a mysterious disease that has the same symptoms as that of ‘faking it’, but is, in fact, a real disease, that only allows the intern to turn up for work two days of the week. For the entire duration of the internship. Until he’s found another job that requires him not to be sick because there are hot female interns as colleagues. True story.

3. The Sacrificial

This is the intern who’ll consider all his options when he’s given some menial, but obviously meaningful work (in the larger scheme of things). And once he realises he doesn’t HAVE any options, he’ll do the work, but not before informing you how it’s only genuine people like him who do such work, because they believe in the greater good (money). He’ll talk about all the sacrifices he makes by taking the train to work, by giving up on eating from his favourite Pav Bhaji stall because there isn’t one near our office, or by not taking up a job with the rival company whose employees were willing to strip to employ him – just because he likes you! Usually, he’s found eating Pav Bhaji outside the same stall once he discovers there IS no more money for him, since there’s no money for YOU either L.

 4. The Over Qualified

This is the kind of intern who’s plain embarrassing to work with. Not because he breaks out in an item number every now and then, no, but because he’s usually older than you are, and wants to intern for reasons that range from ‘profile building’ to ‘mid-life crisis’. He’s usually the worst kind of intern to have, because, you find it strange to give him work that you’d usually give your slave. Also, you are scared he may beat you up if you don’t treat him right. He usually goes back to his real work once he finds an office hottie who makes him realise that money is, after all, everything!

5. The Go Getter

The award for the most annoying intern ever goes to this one. This intern is the most enthusiastic, happy, willing to work and eager to shine guy ever – except that he wants to work and shine at the job YOU are doing. He doesn’t want to do work given to him because, obviously that work’s for an INTERN and not for someone as awesome as he is. Instead, he wants to do your job because that’s where his real skills lie, and it doesn’t matter that you had to make coffee for the security guys on your way up to this level – because he is smarter than you and he won’t have to go through that route. Until, of course, you fire him because it’s not legal to bit*hslap people at work.

These are just the basic type of interns out there to destroy your peace and happiness for the money YOU give THEM. There are obviously many more interns out there if you look harder, and I’m willing to bet they’d do the same for free. Now if only the intern was a hot chick, I’d totally not mind any of this at all. *HINT*

 

Note: This column first appeared in MTV Noise Factory in October, 2011

Picture courtesy: Google. None of the pictures are owned by the author all rights belong to the original owner(s) and photographer(s).
© Copyright belongs to the author, Nikhil Taneja. The article may not be reproduced without permission. A link to the URL, instead, would be appreciated.

MTV Inside Story: Hair today, gone tomorrow #Humour

Let me start by giving you all some background: Growing up, people used to call me ‘Anil Sami’ because I was hairy and fat – I was like the Anil Kapoor version of Adnan Sami. I have had *real* conversations where friends have asked, “Yo what up dude! You look even more awesome than usual. Have you been trying to grow a beard?” and I have responded, “What up man! Not really, I’ve just not shaved this morning.”

Out of all the unmentionable nicknames given to me all my life, the ones that, unfortunately, *actually* had some semblance of truth were ‘Bhaloo’ and later ‘Papa Bear’ (and not ‘Lo*uchand or ‘C**tprakash’). In fact, I have had friends – girls – give me ‘Veet’ for my birthday. Veet is a hair removal cream. So yes, the point is, I’ve been hairy all my life.

And then, I came to MTV.

I don’t know what it says about the awesomeness that is the MTV office (or ahem, about me), but  on my first day at MTV, it wasn’t the kickass colourful wallpaper that caught my eye, nor all the hot chicks roaming around in bikinis (maybe because there were none… #FAIL), nor all the Roadies posters with Raghu and Rajiv looking even angrier than usual (Tees Maar Khan had happened), and not even all the badass looking Noise Factory magazines being ogled at by only like, everyone. No. I distinctly remember… the first thing I EVER noticed about MTV was, “Woah. SO. MANY. BALD. DUDES.”

At first, it was a passing joke between me and my friends – how Raghu and Rajiv were, in fact, communicable diseases. Because bloody every third person was bald, and as a consequence, angry and mean. It seemed that we had entered the matrix but instead of fighting to save the world, we were all preparing for Roadies auditions, step one of which was: lose all your hair, and step two was: grimace. (Step three, by the way, was: Teri ma ki @#$!#@!$#%@ #$%!$!@#$!@#%!$#^#^()#$%*)

But then, something strange started happening. Initially, I thought I was being paranoid. That it was all IN my head and not ON it. But then, the signs began to show. If I’d be with my friends in a car on traffic signals, little beggar kids would say to them, “Aye Hrithik Roshan, paise de na! (Oh Hrithik Roshan! Gimme some money!” or “Kya Akshay Kumar lag raha hai! Kuch paise de na! (What Akshay Kumar you are looking like! Gimme some money!” But when my turn would come, they’d say, “Aye UNCLE, paise de na! (Oh Uncle, gimme some money!).  No, not Hrithik Roshan, not Akshay Kumar, not even like a Govinda. But UNCLE.

I’m 24 (JUST turned 25 but because this article is set in the entire year, I’ll say 24) but one of my evil bas***d friends has started playing this game over the last few months called, “How old do you think Nikhil is?” And NO ONE GUESSES ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE TO 24. My maid has started charging me more money because she thinks since I’m so old I’d be earning a lot, my mom wants to marry me off “while there’s something left there” and my barber suggests a hundred different solutions “that can produce gardens on barren land”…  because I’VE STARTED TO LOSE HAIR too!!!!!!!!!

The curse of the bald twins struck me swiftly and unexpectedly, but from what the mirror suggests, it’s here to stay. Things have become so bad that sometimes, when I’m in an office meeting with some of MTV’s senior bald employees, while they are talking, all I can think of is, “He’s bald, he’s also bald, even he’s bald, and he’s also bald. THIS is my future too *insert tears*” And then I start imagining what bald-hairstyle would suit me… should I just shave off everything on my head or should I crop my hair to porcupine-type length so it seems like I’ve done it on purpose? Or how about, I just DIE !@#$!%$?

Now everywhere I go, I can see bald people. Who don’t seem to care that they are bald. Except for Dr Batra who’s screaming from every newspaper, magazine and hoarding I can see around me to “act, before it’s too late!!” I find myself staring at my old pictures where I was young and rash and didn’t tell my hair enough what it means to me. I’ve also found myself paying close attention to shampoo ads on TV. I even remember shampoo slogans and punchlines and can now identify which shampoo can help my hair to be “jadon se mazboot.”

But all of this is in vain, because apparently, research shows that after the age of 22, an average male loses 100 hairs per day. Only, in my case, the male has… umm… already lost. So I’ve now decided to stop whining over it all, and turn into Raghu for all practical purposes. I’ve started abusing random people in my office asking them, “Tune kiya kya hai life mein bho1#@$%!$% ke.” I’ve also started picking fights with anyone and everyone screaming, “Roadie banega!!#$ Hai g**nd mein dum?!@#$.” And now instead of ‘Hi’, I greet everyone with a grunt.

I’ve also started growing a French beard… err… I’ve already grown a French beard even though I started yesterday. And that’s the bloody curse of the bald twins – hair all over the body but not where it matters the most.

 

Note: This column first appeared in MTV Noise Factory in September, 2011

Picture courtesy: Google. None of the pictures are owned by the author all rights belong to the original owner(s) and photographer(s).
© Copyright belongs to the author, Nikhil Taneja. The article may not be reproduced without permission. A link to the URL, instead, would be appreciated.

MTV Inside Story: Balle Balle! From Lokhandwala to LA! #Humour

It took me a trip halfway across the world to realise how worthless I am. Yes, technically, all my years as a money-less writer-type should have helped me reach this obvious conclusion long ago, but then again, I was hobnobbing with the likes of Bappi Lahiri and Annu Malik in those years (true story), so my thinking capabilities were destroyed by their awesomeness.

But when, in June 2011, six months into joining MTV, I got the chance to go to Los Angeles (Hollywood, baby!!) to do an interview with Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz for their upcoming movie, Bad Teacher, I calculated my life’s worth by this formula:

My life’s worth = Justin & Cameron’s time/ My time

=  Time Justin & Cameron’s gave me for an interview/Time I spent going to LA + interviewing Justin & Cameron + Coming Back from LA

= 4 mins 41 seconds/120 hours

= 0.00006504

This complex mathematical equation can be explained in simple terms as: My life is worth roughly 0.007 % as much as the lives of Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz. Although this is a depressing fact and should push me to do something more worthy with my life like audition for Roadies than whiling it away calculating its worth (since Raghu’s life is worth approx 1234676123970209143 as much as that of Justin and Cameron’s lives – because THAT’S the no of people who want to be ‘a Roadies’), there are two things that stop me from doing that:

a)      I went to Los Angeles for FREE!!!!!!

b)      My hands touched Cameron Diaz’s hands!!!!!!

Yes, being seen in the same circles as Bappida and Annu sir (Thanks be to God) paid off in such a huge way for me that I was first hired by MTV, and then was sent by MTV for a Sony Pictures’ sponsored junket for Bad Teacher to Los Angeles (Hollywood, baby!!).

It was not only my first trip to LA, but my first trip to USA as well. And that’s not a good thing. Because I have seen so many bad popcorn flicks about bombs at airports, that I was dead sure I’d, at some point in my trip, make a joke on bombs and then be treated to third-degree frisking in uncomfortable places.

So I spent the entire length of my 24-hour-long journey, right upto my arrival at the Tom Bradley International Airport in LA, trying very, VERY hard NOT to say ‘bomb’. While it may sound simple enough, I’m so twisted in the head that I’d deliberately make the process difficult. For example:

American immigration custom’s office: How are you, sir?

Me: (saying) I’m fine, sir, how are you?

BUT Me: (thinking) I’m Mr BOMBATIC say me fantastic. BOMB. A BOMB, BOMB, BOMB, BOMB.

American immigration custom’s office: How was your flight, sir?

Me: (saying) It was great, thank you very much.

BUT Me: (thinking) It was a BOMB of a flight. A BOMB. BOMB. BOMB. BOMB

American immigration custom’s office: Oh, is that so? Where are you coming from?

Me: (saying) From BOMB…. MUMBAI. It’s called MUMBAI now. It was called Bombay earlier. But it’s Mumbai now. Hehehehehehe.

Me: (thinking) I JUST SAID BOMB!! I SAID BOMB!!! THEY’RE GOING TO ARREST ME AND PUT A TORCH IN MY ANUS NOW!!!!

The torch-thing, thankfully, didn’t take place. The very nice American officer allowed me through to Hollywood city, where I took a taxi straight up to my fully paid-for hotel, Four Seasons, on Beverly Hills. (Yes, this is called names-dropping, dawgs). My interview with Justin & Cameron was to take place in the same hotel on the following day and the agenda for the day of my arrival was: watching the premiere of Bad Teacher.

The movie was, in all honesty, damn good fun (and I obviously don’t say that because Sony Pictures’ India will see this article, feel very happy and send me on more such trips for free), and by now, Cameron Diaz’ hotness was too blinding for me to think about anything else but desperately wait for the interview.

In the moments leading up to the interview, I had thought of a million things I wanted to ask Cameron Diaz, if I’d even get one minute off the camera with her. But as anyone who’s been to one of these things (there ARE like 2-3 more from India in the last 10 years, *ahem*) would know, it’s IMPOSSIBLE to get even a minute off the camera with the stars.

So imagine my shock, when I sat in the chair in front of the two stars, and a loo break was requested by one of them. Not because even Hollywood stars, with all their money, can’t control their pee (I just found it a remarkable thing for some reason), but because I got two minutes alone with Justin Timberlake. And the cameras were off. The Two. Most. Awkward. Minutes. Of. My. Life.

Because I had thought of a million things to ask Cameron Diaz, but when Justin – the man who has, well, done Scarlett Johannson, Cameron Diaz and Jessica Biel in the past – was in front of me, my twisted brains had only ONE question for him: ‘Looking like that, HOW are you NOT gay?!?!! HOW?! HOW HOW HOW?!?!’

Yes, I did manage to control my emotions at that moment and had the following things to say to him: “What’s up, man?” But thankfully, before I knew it, time passed, and I was officially on for the interview. 4 minutes and 41 seconds later, the interview got over, and my hands got to touch Cameron Diaz’s hands.

Epilogue:

I came back to India and calculated my life’s worth. I’ve continued working at MTV and write such columns in the hope that someone will send me back to LA for free again.

Justin and Cameron went back to earning millions of Dollars after the interview. They’ve not kept in touch with me.

The interview can be seen on TV every once a while and on www.mtvindia.com/badteacher. You can also turn to Pg ( ) for a preview of its awesomeness.

Sony Pictures’ India will release Bad Teacher on August 19 and if the film works, I’ll credit this column and the interview for the film’s success wherever possible.

MTV and Raghu Ram are now planning Season 9 of Roadies.

No bombs were harmed in the making of this article.

My hands have lived happily ever after.

 

Note: This column first appeared in MTV Noise Factory in August, 2011

Watch my interview with Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz here: https://tanejamainhoon.wordpress.com/2014/01/26/justintimberlakecamerondiaz/

Watch my interview with Adam Sandler and Katie Holmes here: https://tanejamainhoon.wordpress.com/2014/01/26/adamsandlerkatieholmes/

Picture courtesy: Google. None of the pictures are owned by the author all rights belong to the original owner(s) and photographer(s).
© Copyright belongs to the author, Nikhil Taneja. The article may not be reproduced without permission. A link to the URL, instead, would be appreciated.

MTV Inside Story: M for Music… WHAAAT? #Humour

I’ve never fancied myself as an agent of change. In fact, I am as comfortable with change as I’m with going to work, earning peanuts, getting up on Monday mornings, getting up in the mornings in general, getting up in the mornings in general and realising that I have to go work where I will be earning peanuts, getting kicked in the nuts… you get the picture. I. HATE. CHANGE.

So when I joined MTV eight months ago, I took comfort in the fact that MTV is in sync with my philosophies regarding change. Because even if there comes in a time in the near future when a giant spaceship from a galaxy far, far away filled with ugly, bald aliens would land on earth, destroy everything that ever meant something to us (including and especially Justin Bieber’s music), make slaves of all human beings (even Rajnikanth), and take over our planet, there would still be a voice coming from behind the TV from a man who looks suspiciously like them aliens, screaming, “TU ROADIE BANEGA, MA**RC**D?!?! TUNE KIYE KYA HAI LIFE MEIN BH**DI KE!!!”

There would also still be a Parsi named Cyrus… ANY parsi named Cyrus finding a reason to dress in drag, one really hot exotic-looking chick hosting anything she wants to host since she’s that damn hot, and one dude so insanely good looking that your ego would be shattered each time he comes on screen, irrespective of how highly your mother thinks of your “dashing personality and sharp features”. Yes, MTV would always, always be the same.

But then, around three months ago, an M for Miracle happened (please notice how I ingeniously use the phrase ‘M for’ in this paragraph so you get impressed and send me M for Money so I can pay my rent). Apparently – and this is strictly hearsay – Raghu gave back all his Roadies money that he’d been saving up for his hair transplant back to MTV for M for mysterious reasons. And since MTV *literally* had nothing else to put on air, they decided to put back on the music!

So with Coke Studio @ MTV, fusion music is playing, with MTV Roots, indie music has got a chance; aur toh aur, they’ve even thought of this out-of-the-box, mind-blasting idea to subtly promote music by making semi-naked chicks (and a fully-covered Ayushmann, thanks be to God) dance on it, in MTV Grind.

And ever since, life hasn’t been the same again. It rains whenever you want it to rain, the computer doesn’t hang whenever a girl says ‘Hiii’ on Gtalk, the AC is always working, the dog outside our office just had puppies and even Bani, in spite of being so hot, says, ‘What’s up’ each time she sees you in office! And if you thought that was it, here are some other pleasant consequences of these shows:

  1. 100% Employee Satisfaction: For one, all of us have realised that all the sins we’ve committed with Roadies and Splitsvilla may actually be compensated JUST because we’re associated with these shows. We wouldn’t even have to spend money to go as far as Haridwar to wash our sins, when we can easily do them in the rain sequences of MTV Grind! And that makes us extremely happy! On top of that, there was free food and drinks in the launch party of Coke Studio @ MTV, and that has added to the extreme happiness!! The exclamations are proof!!!  
  2. 100% Productivity: Considering the fact that music is now part of our job profiles, it is now NOT “hazardous to the work environment” to play music on loudspeakers in office! Also, even though it may seem that we are now doing NOTHING else apart from listening to music, we are STILL being 100% productive – because music is now part of our job profiles!! Woo hoo!!
  3. 100% Family Friendly:  The music shows have no maas and behens, no judges, no SMS voting, no auditions, and most importantly, no Raghu, so we can now (FINALLY) tell everyone (read: hot chicks) that we work for MTV! Yes, the same channel that plays Coke Studio @ MTV!
  4. 100% Genuine Fan Following: Who’d have ever thought that the answer to “Hiee, lolzz; I’m fully true Rodie4u babys, add me plzzz?” was MUSIC! With music coming back into our lives, our Facebook communities have also turned into a pilgrimage of true music lovers! Here, we will choose to ignore all those girls who liken music to Atif Aslam’s hair conditioner and answer that they are most looking forward to Atif Aslam’s performance in Coke Studio @ MTV even though the poll DOESN’T FEATURE HIS NAME.
  5. That’s it

Turns out, when they said, “Change is good”, they were right! And that’s why, YOU should change too. How, you ask? Please start watching MTV so that it gets great TRPs, which then reflects in my bank account. Coke Studio @ MTV airs every Friday at 7 pm with repeats every single day, MTV Roots airs every Friday at 8.30 pm with repeats at 12.30 am every Friday, Saturday and Sunday; and MTV Grind airs at 7 pm every Saturday with repeats in your sleep.  

 

 

Note: This column first appeared in MTV Noise Factory in February, 2011

Picture courtesy: Google. None of the pictures are owned by the author all rights belong to the original owner(s) and photographer(s).
© Copyright belongs to the author, Nikhil Taneja. The article may not be reproduced without permission. A link to the URL, instead, would be appreciated.

MTV Inside Story: What we learned at YMF #Humour

The MTV Youth Marketing Forum (YMF), better known as the MTV Age of Sinnocence, was an extraordinary event that set a landmark precedent as far as extraordinary events and landmark precedents are concerned. Some of the extremely best and universe-shatteringly widely known youth marketers and opinion leaders came together on one platform and explained, analysed and showed us how the world can be changed merely by attending forums such as these.

And now that I have said the truth and nothing but the truth in the above paragraph, which has absolutely nothing to do with me trying to make sure that I’m not fired for what I write in the below paragraphs, I shall subtly and indirectly hint at what we learnt at the YMF (apart from some pathbreaking marketing trends and incredible youth insights)… that had nothing to do with YMF:

Of all the very important things we learnt at the YMF, like the importance of the internet in the world, the importance of the youth in the world, and the importance of the youth using the internet in the world, the biggest lesson learnt was: It’s too dangerous to let Cyrus Broacha loose in public.

Babies were born at the Comedy Store that day because their pregnant mothers laughed so hard, some people lost their sense of smell because they popped some veins from laughing their asses off, and it’s been reported that ‘Broacha’ now translates to ‘mentally unhinged’ in certain African languages – all because Cyrus was asked to host the event.

We also learnt that day that India TV has finally taken over the world. In a chilling turn of events (in the otherwise largely extraordinarily awesome proceedings), Cyrus decided to pop ‘the’ question to the various camerapersons recording the event. As much as we were expecting him to ask them to marry him or strip naked – Cyrus did something much more demented and off-limits. He asked them: “Do you know what event this is?”

There was deathly silence, especially in the first row where sat the people who had spent on this event, the money they had earned by years of sweat, toil and making people believe that Raghu is the male reincarnation of Lalita Pawar.  The answer ‘I don’t know’ would have sent shockwaves down the spines of the sponsors who had probably spent days and nights fighting for their logo to be one inch bigger, except for another lesson learnt that day: when Priyanka Chopra comes on stage, no one remembers what was happening.

It was perhaps Priyanka Chopra’s hotness that taught us the most about ‘Sinnocence’: it taught us that men like Cyrus Broacha have to visit the loo every time Priyanka makes physical contact, that she would not mind ‘kissing women on screen’ if ‘the role demanded it’ (read: if she was offered more money than the Income Tax department took from her) and that ‘Are you dating Shahid Kapur’ is still the most important trend that needs to be addressed on a forum about trend spotting.

And as far as trends go, it was interesting to know, that even at the age of 67, Rajiv Lakshman was still considered young enough to be clubbed with a youth panel. It was also interesting to know that for Rajiv, every debate ends with, “I made Roadies” – because everyone laughs so hard they can’t remember what they were saying. And it was most interesting to know that Rajiv is introduced as “the man who is also known as Raghu all over India”.

Of course, not Cyrus, not Priyanka and not Rajiv can prove that YMF was a success as much as the applause that the event received when the ‘knee cap’ was brought to the audience’s attention – to be used – *drum rolls* – for the rare occasions the woman decides to go down on the man. *Whistle, whistle*

 

Note: This column first appeared in MTV Noise Factory in June, 2011

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