MTV Inside Story: What Happens on Facebook… #Humour

If you’ve been a fan of MTV India’s Facebook community (www.facebook.com/mtvindia), you’ll know that the world is clearly divided into two types of people – MTV India’s Facebook fans, and LOSERS.

Yes, MTV India’s Facebook fan community is perhaps the greatest thing to have happened to humanity, after the invention of the wheel… and Navjot Singh Siddhu. At almost 1.9 million, the community is the largest in India for ANY brand (yes, even more than Rupa underwear and baniyans) and 17th largest in the entire world. It yields unnatural power of influencing enough people to cause a revolution – and it KNOWS this. In fact, the government so far hasn’t fallen because this community has LET it stay on.

The feedback for every post made on topics like Indian pop culture, politics, inspiration and Bappi Lahiri, ranges from 5,000 to 10,000, distributed evenly between ‘LIKES’ and comments. That’s more people interested in one post than Raghu Ram has had hair on his head in his entire life. And interestingly, it grows at a rate faster daily than Raghu’d have lost that hair in his lifetime – more 10,000 per day!

So after learning these insightful details about the greatest fan community that ever lived (even more than that of ‘Piyush Chawla 4eva’), here’s revealing the flow of the revolution that takes place when a Facebook post is made on MTV India:

1. A post is made – a revolution begins

I’m not going to say that MTV India’s Facebook fan has no other real work like watching Roadies, reading the official Roadies blog and staring at photos of Prachi and Mohit all day and all night… because it is not true. The truth is: the zealous fan waits, like a tiger waits for its prey, for a post to be made – all five times a day. This is evident by the first few of the 5,000 comments on the post that are roughly like this:

Aman CoolDude Singh: 1st

Raj HandsomeHunk: Shud b 1sttttttt

Mr Vivek: 1st hoon main doston,,,, gals hi?

Pooja Love: Top 10? Lolzzz

GauRaV KhaNNa BoSS: 2nd,,, hi frnds,,, hi gurlz da boss iz here !!!!!

Piyush Chawla: *Intelligent comment about post*

 

2. A leader is chosen – a hero(ine) rises

Every revolution needs a leader. Like grammer needs Shahid Kapoor’s tweets, cinema needs KRK and zoos need Dolly Bindra, a Facebook post on MTV India needs a name, a face, a brand ambassador… a LEADER. For MTV India’s FB community, it’s Sophie’s choice between a ‘decent’-looking girl with her ‘own’ display pic (aka, BOY) vs a girl with an exotic name and a display pic of Hermoine Granger/Britney Spears/Priyanka Chopra (aka, BOY). The reactions are fairly endearing too:

Pooja Love: Top 20? Lolzzz (15 LIKES)

Neha Sweety: Hie… (20 LIKES)

Mr Vivek: hye galz wanna join me wt’s say ??? look @ ma profile only 15 frnds m haveing,,,,

Abhishek CoolestDude Agarwal: Neha hoe r u dea??? Reply me,,, @neha sweety ♥ r u der???

GauRaV KhaNNa BoSS: New frnds r lyk emeralds 4 me,,,, add me galzz wt’s say????

Aman CoolDude Singh: 1st ??? Hi Pooja,,,!!! @pooja,,,

Neha Sweety: Thanks @guys for lyk ma comment J

Piyush Chawla: *Another intelligent comment about post*

 

3. An intellectual discussion ensues – a debate rages

Where there is a revolution, there is always scope for mutiny. Even though the entire community is behind the leader (behind her, yes), there are some who feel wronged/jealous/unloved/umm…single, and try to disrupt the bonding and love of the entire group. But since this is India’s intelligent, well-read and eloquent youth, it prefers reaching a common conclusion through an intellectual debate and non-violence, rather than crude aggression:

Sameer Hatela: @neha,,, ye fake id hai???  @Abhishek,,, f**k off neha leave her alone wo teri bhen hai

Abhishek CoolestDude Agarwal: ma plsre dea neha for lyk, ua most welcum anytym,,, can we frndz?

@Hatela u r one spam away frm ma block list teri m@#$ ka !#$@! Bhen!@#$@$ f**k your !@#$!%$#@@! In !@#$#@!%

Mr Vivek: I AM ALSO SINGLE,,,POOJA U CAN MINGLE. Any oder galz also welcum @Hatela u r c**!@#$ya, u dn’t said cool stuffs f**k off galz dn’t want u

Arjun Don: Pooja,,, u din reply me plzzzz reply me,,, r u single?  Im nt a cheap guy u can be ma online gf plzzz I can sent u only u frndz request? @Neha where r u frm r u DER? Plzzz reply me

Sameer Hatela: F**k off Arjun Pooja n Neha are guy, you are guy, this is gay stuffs u all loooozers f**k off Vivek Abhishek Aman s**k !@#$!@ I will !@#$#!@% to your !#$%!#$%# block me f**kers I have 8-10 ids kitna block karega?

Neha Sweety: Hieee guyz  pls dnt do online war this is not Roadies lolzz

Piyush Chalwa: Wats happening guyzzz plzz don’t use abuse languages I’ll contact FB admin, let talk about *intelligent comment about post*

Sameer Hatela: F**k off Piyush ja bowling seekh kar aa fir flirt maarna bloody !@#$@#!$@

 

4. A peaceful conclusion will be reached – the revolution comes to a pause

Gandhiji and Raghu Ram’s non-violence teachings are not lost on today’s generation. As much as the Britishers tried to divide us and rule – the Facebook community prove that nothing can divide us. There is much to unite us and we shall not fall, no matter who the adversary!

Arjun Don: Ya NEha is rite…  this iz nt Roadies Raghu is a taklu bt Roadies roxxx @NEha,,, I agree wit u if u agree wit my comment, tel me ur phone no or add me plzzzzz

Mr Vivek: Sab Raghu ke fans yahan all suckers no lyf, u cnt be Roadies u need 2b RoXXX to be Roadies!!!! Pooja wt u think Im rite or wt u think?

AmanCoolDude Singh: Neha u dint reply me plzz send me request 4get Hatela hez use abuse language lyk Raghu. Im true Roadies ma heart sez I will win add meeeee

Pooja Love: ok bye guyzzz tc Im watching Roadies byeee

GauRaV KhaNNa BoSS: Galzzz dn’t go plzzzzzz Roadies roxxxxxxx

Neha Sweety: biee guyzzz Im going cyazzz J

Sameer Hatela: u r fake galzz !@#$!@%$#@^@ !@$@!#$%@#!$% @vivek arjun aman RAGHU only Roadies iz real itz roxxxx

Piyush Chawla: *Forgets post, makes intelligent comment about Roadies*

 

5. New post happens – Another revolution begins

And just like the circular region on Raghu’s head, the circle of life continues…

 

Raj HandsomeHunk: Shud b 1sttttttt

Neha Sweety: hieee m I 2nd? Lolzzz (comment gets 40 LIKES)

GauRaV KhaNNa BoSS: Hi neha hoe r u miss yaa

Mr Vivek: Neha,,,,,

 

Note: This column first appeared in MTV Noise Factory in April, 2011

Picture courtesy: Google. None of the pictures are owned by the author all rights belong to the original owner(s) and photographer(s).
© Copyright belongs to the author, Nikhil Taneja. The article may not be reproduced without permission. A link to the URL, instead, would be appreciated.

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