I’ve met a bunch of funny people in my life. Not funny ‘ha ha’, but you know, funny Bappi Lahiri (not as fat or as shiny though). But I think, at the time I met him, K was the funniest person I had EVER come across.
That dude, who went on to become one of my best friends, literally invented a grammar of his own – we called it ‘Krammar’. Here are some of his priceless dialogues:
Krammar: Shut your f**k up
English: Shut the f**k up
Krammar: You are almost welcome
English: You are most welcome
Krammar: I don’t give it a s**t
English: I don’t give a s**t
Krammar: She is a horn
English: She is sexy (umm… ‘horny’ was what he was going for)
Krammar: What the f**ks?
English: What the f**k?
You wannabe, I wannabe, we all wannabe
With a friend like that, I never needed TV or internet in my hostel. Having him around was enough entertainment. Since I was a bast**d (and still am), I could never stop taking digs at him. But what I admired about him was – NO matter how much I’d take his case, he’d never give up on speaking Krammar.
He spoke it day and night, even if it meant using words like ‘befool’ (instead of fool) and ‘cheer’ (instead of cheers). Or phrases like ‘That is my copyright’ or ‘Come, we are coming’. After a point of time, because of our incessant digs, his English did improve. And now, that same dude, is teaching M.Tech at the 16th ranked university in the world!
I used to think of him as the biggest wannabe in the world, when I first met him. But knowing him made me realize, there’s a wannabe in every one of us – we just don’t admit it! Like for me, personally, ever since I heard Baba Sehgal’s ‘Aaja meri gaadi mein baith ja’, I wanted to be able to pull off his hip-hop swagger.
But the fact is, no matter WHAT I do, I can’t even pull off the bloody ‘yo’. Every time it comes out of my mouth, it sounds like the South Indian version of ‘Oh’. And for the life of it, I can’t rap. Mostly because I don’t get the damn lyrics. So usually, I’m singing inane lyrics like, ‘Lose yourself in the music the moment you won’t get it or something and you GO GO GO, you only get one shot to do something na-na BLOW this opportunity comes once so you YO YO YO’.
Wannabe is the new cool
The point is, I don’t THINK I’m hip-hop cool. I KNOW I’m a wannabe ‘hip-hopper’. Because all of us are wannabe, at some point of the other, and you know what, it’s OKAY. It’s OKAY if you watch English movies with English subtitles. It’s OKAY if you buy some things only because you get something free with them. It’s OKAY if you own merchandize with Che Guevara’s face pasted on it even if you don’t know who the hell he is (or can’t pronounce his last name).
It’s OKAY if you love Notting Hill even if you are a dude (and furiously fight when someone calls it a ‘chick flick’). And well, it’s also OKAY if you read Chetan Bhagat’s books (hey, he’s also a wannabe and he’s made millions because of that!!!). Okay, wait, I may judge you a little bit for that.
Why deny who we are? Why claim to only love David Guetta when ‘Munni’ makes us want to do vulgar dance moves? Why look down upon Bollywood when we are clearly interested in who Katrina is dating next (and why !@#$). Why say ‘What ya’, even when it means nothing and is like a VERY annoying version of ‘Kya yaar’? Why use ‘douchebag’ instead of ‘ch**iya’ when we don’t even know what it means (though we probably don’t know what ch**iya means either)! Why make fun of Ashmit Patel though we know many people who are uglier? …Actually we can still make fun of him, regardless!
It’s cool to be who you are. It’s cool to stay raw.
Note: This article first appeared on MTVIndia.com on December 6, 2010
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