I’ve never fancied myself as an agent of change. In fact, I am as comfortable with change as I’m with going to work, earning peanuts, getting up on Monday mornings, getting up in the mornings in general, getting up in the mornings in general and realising that I have to go work where I will be earning peanuts, getting kicked in the nuts… you get the picture. I. HATE. CHANGE.
So when I joined MTV eight months ago, I took comfort in the fact that MTV is in sync with my philosophies regarding change. Because even if there comes in a time in the near future when a giant spaceship from a galaxy far, far away filled with ugly, bald aliens would land on earth, destroy everything that ever meant something to us (including and especially Justin Bieber’s music), make slaves of all human beings (even Rajnikanth), and take over our planet, there would still be a voice coming from behind the TV from a man who looks suspiciously like them aliens, screaming, “TU ROADIE BANEGA, MA**RC**D?!?! TUNE KIYE KYA HAI LIFE MEIN BH**DI KE!!!”
There would also still be a Parsi named Cyrus… ANY parsi named Cyrus finding a reason to dress in drag, one really hot exotic-looking chick hosting anything she wants to host since she’s that damn hot, and one dude so insanely good looking that your ego would be shattered each time he comes on screen, irrespective of how highly your mother thinks of your “dashing personality and sharp features”. Yes, MTV would always, always be the same.
But then, around three months ago, an M for Miracle happened (please notice how I ingeniously use the phrase ‘M for’ in this paragraph so you get impressed and send me M for Money so I can pay my rent). Apparently – and this is strictly hearsay – Raghu gave back all his Roadies money that he’d been saving up for his hair transplant back to MTV for M for mysterious reasons. And since MTV *literally* had nothing else to put on air, they decided to put back on the music!
So with Coke Studio @ MTV, fusion music is playing, with MTV Roots, indie music has got a chance; aur toh aur, they’ve even thought of this out-of-the-box, mind-blasting idea to subtly promote music by making semi-naked chicks (and a fully-covered Ayushmann, thanks be to God) dance on it, in MTV Grind.
And ever since, life hasn’t been the same again. It rains whenever you want it to rain, the computer doesn’t hang whenever a girl says ‘Hiii’ on Gtalk, the AC is always working, the dog outside our office just had puppies and even Bani, in spite of being so hot, says, ‘What’s up’ each time she sees you in office! And if you thought that was it, here are some other pleasant consequences of these shows:
- 100% Employee Satisfaction: For one, all of us have realised that all the sins we’ve committed with Roadies and Splitsvilla may actually be compensated JUST because we’re associated with these shows. We wouldn’t even have to spend money to go as far as Haridwar to wash our sins, when we can easily do them in the rain sequences of MTV Grind! And that makes us extremely happy! On top of that, there was free food and drinks in the launch party of Coke Studio @ MTV, and that has added to the extreme happiness!! The exclamations are proof!!!
- 100% Productivity: Considering the fact that music is now part of our job profiles, it is now NOT “hazardous to the work environment” to play music on loudspeakers in office! Also, even though it may seem that we are now doing NOTHING else apart from listening to music, we are STILL being 100% productive – because music is now part of our job profiles!! Woo hoo!!
- 100% Family Friendly: The music shows have no maas and behens, no judges, no SMS voting, no auditions, and most importantly, no Raghu, so we can now (FINALLY) tell everyone (read: hot chicks) that we work for MTV! Yes, the same channel that plays Coke Studio @ MTV!
- 100% Genuine Fan Following: Who’d have ever thought that the answer to “Hiee, lolzz; I’m fully true Rodie4u babys, add me plzzz?” was MUSIC! With music coming back into our lives, our Facebook communities have also turned into a pilgrimage of true music lovers! Here, we will choose to ignore all those girls who liken music to Atif Aslam’s hair conditioner and answer that they are most looking forward to Atif Aslam’s performance in Coke Studio @ MTV even though the poll DOESN’T FEATURE HIS NAME.
- That’s it
Turns out, when they said, “Change is good”, they were right! And that’s why, YOU should change too. How, you ask? Please start watching MTV so that it gets great TRPs, which then reflects in my bank account. Coke Studio @ MTV airs every Friday at 7 pm with repeats every single day, MTV Roots airs every Friday at 8.30 pm with repeats at 12.30 am every Friday, Saturday and Sunday; and MTV Grind airs at 7 pm every Saturday with repeats in your sleep.
Note: This column first appeared in MTV Noise Factory in February, 2011
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