Arr, me hearties! Avast ye! Ahoy! Aye.. umm.. err… grr? Ok that’s about all o’ me knowledge o’ pirate talk, arr. So I’ll get down ter me movie talk, then, matey (And torture ya’ll by including pirate slang t’ sound cool every now and then… Arr!)
Pirate movies have always been cool because of how ‘grand’ pirate slang sounds. Imagine using a pick up line like, ‘That’s some treasure chest ya’ve got right there’ or ‘Prepare to be boarded, darlin’!’ that could be both a pick up line if the girl’s interested OR a threat if she isn’t. Or using curses like ‘Scurvy, ‘Scallywag’, or ‘Squiffy’, which sound more like the English version of ‘Jaanu’, ‘Sweety’ or ‘Babies’, so your sweethearts would never know you are praising them or insulting them. Genius, isn’t it? Arr!
That’s probably why most well-known Pirate movies… are… you know, well known. In fact, here’s some interesting trivia: The most expensive porn movie ever made (until the 3D one recently) was also set on a pirate ship and was innovatively titled, ‘Pirates’. (Where do you think I got the pick up lines from, har har!)
But perhaps the most interesting take ever on the pirate phenomenon came to be in 2007’s Stardust, which is not a pirate movie but has enough pirates in it to rival Peter Pan. The movie’s directed by Matthew Vaughn, who’s officially one of the awesome-est filmmakers of all time for me with movies like Layer Cake, Stardust, Kick Ass and X Men: First Class. He’s also co-produced Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. What a filmography, aye!
Stardust is a funny, quirky, sweet, romantic, thrilling, magical and forever charming fantasy film, that’ll probably be the most fun you’ll have at the movies (rather, at the DVDs) in a while. Adapted from a Neil Gaiman novel of the same name, it’s about a naive young man (Charlie Cox) who embarks upon an adventure in a mystical land to find and fetch a falling star for the girl he loves. On the way, he encounters witches, pirates, royalty and lots of magic, so yer can have a jolly good time, aye!
And in a movie that features a sea of British talent, an American actor stands out for his hilarious portrayal of an effeminate pirate. The brilliant Robert De Niro plays Captain Shakespeare, who has to go to many lengths to maintain his fearsome reputation, though he’s happy and gay at heart.
There are far too many reasons to not miss this film, but De Niro’s pirate turn is all the convincing you should need. So ye shouldn’t be a son o’ a biscuit eater and watch me recco smartly. Savvy?
Starring: Charlie Cox, Claire Danes, MichellePfeiffer, Robert De Niro, Sienna Miller
Written By: Neil Gaiman, Jane Goldman, Matthew Vaughn
Directed By: Matthew Vaughn
Note: This recommendation first appeared in MTV Noise Factory, September 2011 issue
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